Losing My Sparkle

...and how I'm getting it back.

I admit, I’ve been feeling a bit underwater lately.

There has been a lot of what I call “life admin,” or “adulting,” going on.

Between post-tax-filing details, organizing multiple things for my mom in memory care, stuff the car needs, figuring out pet sitters, a big project I’m working on for family, and, of course, The World, it’s easy to get bogged down, overwhelmed, and, to quote a dear friend of mine who noticed it the other day, “lose my sparkle.”

And it’s interesting because, as a life coach, helping other folk navigate feelings and obligations so they can get the shit done without losing their sparkle is something I do pretty regularly.

I’m remembering how important it is to take those same tools I use for my clients and apply them to my own life.

Because I need my sparkle, and I need to get my shit done. And I know lots of folks out there are feeling this big time right now.

And we all know that the shit on our respective to-do lists will be replaced by other shit. Sorry to be graphic, but you get the idea. It’s the nature of the to-dos.

That means holding on to our sparkle and replenishing it as we go is crucial. And these days, it feels more important than ever.

Because we all need it. We need to shine. And we need to see other folks shine, too.

Let’s find and nurture our sparkles together.

Here’s what’s helping me:

Do One Thing

One. Thing. At. A. Time. I wrote this bit about multitasking in March: “In fact, research continues to show multitasking isn’t useful, helpful, or good for us. While there may be some benefits in certain circumstances, weighing those against the drawbacks and measuring value/values is key.”

You can probably get it all done. But you definitely cannot get it all done at the same time.

And sometimes, when the to-do list is overwhelming, and there’s nothing that shouts, “I am the priority!” that’s an opening. The opening is this: just pick something. Just start. Do one thing. Any one thing.

Yesterday, I decided to do one thing: start the car stuff portion of my to-dos. I did the first thing: paid the insurance and printed the new cards. Then I was on a roll: figure out renewing the registration, call about getting the AC evaluated, make a plan to wash it.

Once I started, I thought, let’s just knock it all out. Doing one thing at a time, I’d crossed four things off my list. An entire category.

There are two things I know about this approach: the first is that sometimes, there are only enough spoons for one singular thing. And sometimes, one thing ends up requiring half a dozen side quests.

But starting with one thing opens you up to either getting that one thing done or getting more information about that one thing.

So no matter what, there’s a bit of momentum, a bit of positive change. And that can make all the difference in retaining that sparkle.

Less Phone Time

That’s pretty much it.

I don’t look at my phone for at least 10-15 minutes, ideally longer, after I wake up.

I don’t look at my phone for at least 30 minutes before bed.

I leave it on the other side of the room when I’m doing work that requires my full attention.

I read a lot on my iPad via the Libby app (10/10 recommend!!), and I don’t have access to the following on my iPad: no messaging, no social media. I can read and not be disturbed or end up in a doomscroll. For me, this is huge.

I limit my social media and scrolling time, and I pay attention to my body, my mind, and my heart, so I know when it’s saying “no more.”

I talk to clients a lot about finding the line between being informed and falling into a doomscroll situation where you’ve lost track of yourself, and I work hard to follow this advice myself.

I do make time to check in on things because I want to know how people I care about are, I want to be in touch, and it’s important to me to be informed. My limits for that are different on different days, so I need to be in tune with myself. I need to know when to stop, when I’ve crossed that line. When I need to take back my attention.

And when I lose my sparkle, this is one of the first things I check in on. Am I too heads down in my phone, have I given my sparkle to the doomscroll? It is, unfortunately, all too easy to fall into this attention- and energy-depleting trap.

A quick self-audit of phone time or a practice of putting the thing down is a great place to start.

Adequate Rest/Downtime

One thing I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately is just how much harder everything is when I’m tired.

I can’t show up for myself or anyone else when I’ve had too many nights without enough sleep or just too little downtime during the day.

I try to guard my sleep and rest time. I take no shame in sleeping in or napping if I have unscheduled time and I need it.

Your body needs rest. Your mind, spirit, heart, and soul do, too.

But that’s not the end of the story because “downtime” doesn’t always mean “do nothing time.” It can, but it also can mean intentionally engaging in activities that replenish energy.

For example, I love to cook. If I’m really jazzed about trying a new recipe, that might be an hour or more of “doing” time, but I’ll be in my happy zone; in that way, it’s restorative.

Likewise, just this morning I’d been excited about going for a run. It was raining. Then I remembered that when I was running a lot, I used to love running in the rain. So I went for a run. It was awesome.

Another example of this for me is cleaning. I am not a person who loves cleaning, but I do love the gratification of things having been cleaned. Yesterday, between client calls, I cleaned a bathroom. Afterwards, I was like, “Hell yeah! Go me!”

So part of this is about knowing what’s restorative for you and also when rest means rest.

Sometimes you can pick a thing that needs doing that is restorative. And sometimes, you might need to close your eyes for twenty minutes. Or an hour.

What it doesn’t mean is falling too far down a social media or doomscroll rabbit hole. For me, “downtime” does not equal “phone time.” Energy-restoring activities almost always, for me, do not involve my phone. That’s an important boundary for me, and one I encourage my clients to explore, too.

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I’d love to know how you’re protecting and nurturing your sparkle these days.

And if I can help, please let me know.

We need all the twinkling, beautiful lights of ourselves and each other.

I’m cheering you on.

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