Self-Coaching Guide: Doing a Values Check-In

What does it mean to live in alignment with your values?

Living in alignment with your values requires one important prerequisite: knowing what you value.

It’s been a minute since I’ve published a new self-coaching guide. So here we are: let’s reassess where our values lie and start rethinking how we approach goals and goal-setting for this year.

Because one of the most meaningful ways to stay on track with your goals is to set goals that align with your values.

But you can’t very well do that if you’re not clear on what those are.

And, of course, values, and how we live them, change over time.

So I think it’s helpful to have a somewhat regular values check-in. Somewhat regular can mean annually, quarterly, something in between, or you can “vibe” your way through it.

For me, twice a year or so is sufficient for the Big Values, which for me include things like creativity, being with like-minded, inspiring people, living in alignment with my sense of justice, sustainability, and being time- and energy-intentional.

But more regular check-ins help me track where values shift or emerge, where things have changed, and what I might want to do to feel aligned.

A Personal Example

In my first career, I was a classical-trained singer, a performing artist, and a professor, teaching voice and a wide array of courses in music. The value of creativity was something I had a clear line to tap into on a daily or near-daily basis.

I’m not in that world anymore. I don’t teach music now; I retired from performing.

But creativity and being creative are still a crucial part of who I am and how I want to exist in the world.

That means I have to be intentional about it. I have to carve out time, make space, dream up projects, and purposely use my creativity. It’s a practice, and it was previously, but in my first career, it was folded into my daily life and work.

The value is still there, but how I live in alignment with it looks different and requires different things of me.

That has at times been a challenge. And it’s been an opportunity. Because I’m not using my energy in a single-minded focus and in one art form, I’ve been able to explore others. I’ve been published as a poet, I have paintings I’ve done on the walls of my house, and I’ve become a pretty good cook.

So I’ve found ways to integrate and step forward in alignment with that value. And opening up to the different opportunities to live this means I can now trace that value, in its many iterations, across my life, starting from about age 11, long before the notion of being a professional musician entered my mind.

That knowledge has allowed me to reconnect with many different parts of myself, while helping me embrace a bigger picture of my identity and evolving sense of purpose. It helped me find hope and insight while I grieved my first career, and it helped me expand in ways I previously would not have considered.

And that’s a big part of why I think doing these value check-ins is so meaningful. When I do this work, I get clarity on where I am, what I want, and I open the door for insights and reflections far beyond what’s happening now.

Why Now?

It’s a nice time of year for this because, at least where I live, it’s still very much winter. The natural world is still resting…but, and now we are really noticing it, the light is coming back.

And when we think about goals, timelines, and how we want the rest of the year to unfold, our values can shine a bit more light on what we want to make time for. And there’s a bonus: we fight against the idea that we always need to be doing things for the sake of doing them if we are measuring alignment not with outer expectations of “productivity,” but rather with what matters to us and what we value.

And so we need to make some time to think about values, how they may have shifted, how they show up in new ways, or what we need to make space for now.

As always, we start with a commitment to a No Shame, No Blame approach. Our values do shift and change. That’s good news. Stagnancy means no growth. Change means opportunity. “Forward momentum” is often not perfectly consistent. Life happens. Circumstances dictate priorities. Sometimes our values are a compass, sometimes they are more aspirational. There’s space for all of that.

But we can’t open the door to that level of awareness, reflection, and yes, even planning, if we aren’t clear on what the values are. So let’s hop to it.

The Three-Step Values Check-In

Step 1: The Values Brain Dump

We’ll start with just making a list of all the things you value. I recommend setting a timer, both to energize this a bit as well as to give yourself a limit. If something doesn’t come to you in the first minute or two, it’s probably not a major value for you in this phase of your life. And that’s ok. We can’t value everything all the time.

It’s ok to come back later and recognize, “huh, this thing mattered so much to me in the past and didn’t even make the list now.” That’s great information! It’s fodder for reflection and recognition of growth. I recommend keeping a little list in the margin of those items. You can come back to them later or see if they fold into something at the forefront of your thinking.

Right now, we are looking for: what values come immediately to mind when someone says: “What do you value?” So set a timer for a minute, 90 seconds at the most, and just brain dump whatever comes in. Here are a few to get you started:

Time Intentionality

Family

Sustainability

Financial security

Community

Creativity

Lifelong Learning

Physical health/fitness

Social Justice

Books/Reading

Writing

Etc…

If you feel like taking an extra step here, you could press pause on this, come back tomorrow, set the timer again, and then review and revise for a minute. You don’t have to do this, but it can be helpful to let the exercise bounce around in your thinking for a bit and then come back fresh.

Step 2: Current Values Alignment

Now go back over the list you made in Step 1, and circle, highlight, or underline those values you observe acting in your regular life at a level or in ways that feel good to you. Make some notes as you go so you can see the data you are using to make that assessment. As an example, let’s take my sample list above:

Time Intentionality: Pretty well-aligned. Never been great with routine; always room for improvement.

Family: Talking to folks regularly, texting, etc. Aligned.

Sustainability: Doing well locally with recycling and compost, reduce/reuse/recycle. Started my garden last year. Very local efforts, opportunities for more.

Financial security: Currently aligned; need to keep building my business

Community: Made so many new friends recently, need to keep those connections!

Creativity: Seeking inspiration for this year…

Lifelong Learning: Mostly aligned. Currently taking a course, but haven’t fully gotten into the stack of books I want to explore.

Physical health/fitness: Aligned.

Social Justice: Making calls and donations, helping others do same. Keep going. More.

Books/Reading: Met goal last year, on track for this year.

Writing: Aligned, but want more.

Doing this allows patterns to emerge. I can see where my actions are in alignment with my values, as well as where I am holding values but not fully living them. From this, I begin to see where I could set some goals or engage in activities to move the needle. This is where we start to see what that measuring stick I mentioned above really is.

Step 3: Aspirational Values Alignment

In this step, we isolate those values we noted in Step 2 that we aren’t fully realizing or are not fully aligned. In other words, we have the values, but we might not be consistently realizing them in our actions. In that sense, there is an aspirational quality. We value [a thing], but are we a person who does the things that reflect [that value]? We aspire to be that person, and what we might call the values gap, that is, valuing [X] but not doing the things in alignment with [that value], is something we can change. But to change it, we have to get clear on it.

And, we can then add to the list with what we aspire to, whether those are activities we want to do or other values we want to live. For example, do you aspire to be a person who has a contemplative practice? Is this because you value secular meditation, quiet time, or a spiritually-based practice, but you’ve never acted on it? What’s the value driving the desire, and what’s the thing that aligns you with it? The best way to become a person who does [a thing] is to start doing that thing…and if it’s aligned with something you value, that’s going to help you tap into the motivation you need to keep doing it.

So the sense of aspiration works in both directions. We might aspire to live a certain value and then look for things we can do that realize that…and we might aspire to do certain things and then look for the value driving them. Both provide motivation, so don’t shy away from this. Aspirational values work is not about shame or blame; it’s about helping you discern what matters and how you want to work within that space.

So: extract what you need to from Step 2 and then add what we might call “aspirational values or activities.”

Then look for patterns and overlap. You’ll probably be able to connect things that will lead to 3 or 4 primary categories within which you can then set more concrete goals that will move these aspirations into values-aligned action.

Again, we can take my list above as an example. Here is what I can extract:

Sustainability: Ties in with Social Justice. Expand the garden? More opportunities to contribute?

Financial security: More business development.

Creativity: Ties in with writing–some long-term goals for the year would help.

Writing: See above. Consider long-term goals and block out time to work on them.

Lifelong Learning: Prioritize books I’ve set aside and create a curriculum for myself; block out time to work through. Expanding garden also connects here.

Now I can see connections and main themes: social justice/sustainability (connects to lifelong learning as well); business development (ties in with writing and lifelong learning); and writing/creativity.

That gives me three clear areas where I could focus my goal setting, activities planning, and time/energy management. And I can then move forward with confidence, knowing that whatever I choose to do in each area will be aligned with my values and in integrity with the kind of person I want to be.

Values Alignment Leads to Smarter Goal Setting

This is just one way to get into a conversation about goal setting. You might do this exercise and not have a clear path to goals, you might do it and think of long-term but not short-term goals, or you might not think about goals at all. It might just be fodder for self-reflection and alignment on a larger scale.

All of that is ok. This is just one pathway into the many levels of possibility that open up when you take some time to get clear on your values, recognizing that things shift and change over time.

This is one of my favorite kinds of self-reflection/personal development/self-coaching tools because it has a clear connection to how you go about your life. Getting clear on your values helps you navigate professional and personal situations, as well as how much energy and time you want to offer. It doesn’t mean things won’t shift when circumstances change. But it does give you a measuring stick you can use to get clarity when they do.

And it helps you become more decisive. Not sure how to proceed with something? Ask: What values does this connect with? What values is this in opposition to? Where am I aligned and where am I missing that alignment? Is this a current value or an aspirational value? If it’s aspirational, does doing this align with the person I want to be, or does it distract?

Again, it’s not a fail-safe in a world where things can change quickly. But it gives you something you can lean against, and it helps put into words things you can use to develop objective self-awareness and determine what aligned action looks like for you.

Finally, it can help you recognize where you’ve grown and connect to your own evolution. We don’t look back to “fix,” but we consider where we are, notice what’s changed, and take the opportunity to realign where we can.

So take some time this week to assess where your values sit now, what you’re looking for in the values arena, and where your aspirations lie. You might come up with some actions right away…or not. Either way, you’re almost certainly going to uncover some gems of self-discovery, connection, and opportunity.

Let me know how it goes!

P.S. Check-ins for orgs!

If you are a leader in an organization, this can work there, too! So often, values are highlighted in a sales process or in marketing, but just not part of the ecosystem of how things actually get done. This negatively impacts everything from operational matters to interpersonal relationships to revenue. If you have the chance to run a values check with a team and then create systems, policies, or procedures that align with current and aspirational organizational values, you’ll be doing yourself, your team, and the org a long-term favor. If you’d like to learn more about what this might look like, let me know! alignedinsightcoaching@gmail.com